Coming Around Again

“Coming Around Again” By Carly Simon

“Coming Around Again” was written for the 1986 movie Heartburn starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicolson. The movie is based on the autobiography of Nora Ephron who is a very famous novelist, screenwriter, director, etc. and wrote some of the biggest movies we know: When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Silkwood, You’ve Got Mail, etc. I’ve heard her as a guest star on NPR’s “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” and listened to her give her director commentary on Julie & Julia. I’m sorry to report she comes off as a very bitter liberal with moments of wit.

Heartburn, in a nutshell, is your quintessential 80’s women’s lib man-hater movie where: woman falls for man, man falls for woman, they get married, have a kid, woman finds out man is cheating, woman gives man an ultimatum, man says he’s stopped, they get pregnant again, woman finds out man is still cheating, man won’t end affair, and then woman leaves man to raise children on her own and work full time.

It’s all very tragic and made to come off like “the man” is just doing what’s in his nature (as you find out later in the film even the “woman’s” father is a philander too.) Thus, no men come off good in the film while women are victimized, with fits raised, cluelessly asking, “Why? WHY did this happen to me? Why wasn’t I enough?” (How were the 80’s EVER proactive and truly liberating for women again???)

So anyway, Carly Simon wrote this title track for Heartburn, as she had on other movies such as James Bond, The Spy Who Loved Me “No Body Does It Better”.  

Lyrics:

"Baby sneezes

Mommy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering

(chorus)

I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
So don’t mind if I fall apart
There’s more room in a broken heart

You pay the grocer
Fix the toaster
Kiss the host Good-bye
Then you break a window
Burn the Soufflé
Scream a lullaby

(Chorus repeats)

And I believe in love
But what else can I do
I’m so in love with you"

Again, this is a quintessential women’s lib 80’s soft rock piece AND a personal top favorite on my iPod. I remember being a young girl and loving when it came on the radio. And as a young kid I could feel an underlining tension in the lyrics and especially in Carly’s crescendos as she purposely borders on shouting in the final chorus, “I know nothing stays the same but if you’re willing to play the game it will be comin’ around again.”

As a kid I envisioned a Mom playing a board game like Pictionary or Candy Land and waiting on her husband to roll the dice or quit. I knew it was a song about a Mommy and Daddy’s relationship among their responsibilities. And as I grew up I understand the song to be about a Mommy who’s describing what it means to be a Wife again after becoming a Mommy.

It wasn’t until after I saw Heartburn a good five years ago that this song took on a whole new understanding and appreciation for me. Really, the lyrics could appear to paint the picture of a character who, through being the repeated victim of spousal infidelity becomes disheveled, over loaded, under-appreciated poor ‘ol house wife including the woo is me repeated line, “So don’t mind if I fall apart, there’s more room in a broken heart” -A rather typical female feeling after giving and giving emotionally, physically, financially, EVERYWAY to her lover, children, family and employer, etc. that they hit a wall and crack (which happens every 27 days and even more often depending on stress load) and when women crack we do have the tendency to be victim-y about our stresses. So even with the lyrics mimicking the plot of Heartburn I still interrupt them differently.

I don’t think this song paints a picture of a mistreated wife and mom at all. I think this song is honest. I think this piece is about Marriage, expectations and realities of. “So good on paper, so romantic, but so bewildering”

Some of the greatest insight I ever heard on the topic of marriage said: “There are two questions to ask yourself when choosing whom to marry. #1.) IF there was a chance your potential spouse would not change even the tiniest bit from this moment til the rest of your lives, would you be willing to accept him/her, flaws and all and never resent them for it? And  #2.) IF there was the chance your potential spouse could completely change at any moment from today til the rest of your life, are you willing to accept that possibility and never resent them for it? If BOTH parties honestly, truly answer of themselves YES AND remember to live up to their answers they are set up as best they can for a successful marriage.”

I like to think Carly Simon wasn’t giving us the negative 80’s perspective of a bitter woman who battles juggling husband, children, career AND keeping her body sexy. I like to think she believes in love as she repeats many times and not chanting the line in a desperate attempt at convincing herself she’s still devoted to her husband and marriage. I think she’s just being a woman and asking for a little reminder she is loved and appreciated. Because really, love isn’t the dating stage, the proposal stage nor the honeymoon. Love happens during the reactions to the broken windows, burnt Souffles, and accepting amends for a moment of selfishness.

And yes, I Believe in Love.